i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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