Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I party with great urgency now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
