it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
