who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
