if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
