It was confusing and full of hummus
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
