DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
