Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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