he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
