gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
