Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
