I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
