Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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