Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
