In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
