no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
