we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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