I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
