i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
