I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just pee around me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
