Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
