i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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