I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
