So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
