you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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