Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
