i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
