apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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