New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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