I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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