I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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