do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
worst night to have a conscience
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
