The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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