Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
