you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
