There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Found the puke drawer
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
