I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
