If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
