it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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