I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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