she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize