then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
