____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize