...so i touched it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
