i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize