p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
lets start a swedish sibling band together
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
