I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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