Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
