Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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