Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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