frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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