Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
