Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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