big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
