she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I checked into jail on foursquare
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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