I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
