So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
