he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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