Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
