she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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