I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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