last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I need moral support for this bender
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
