I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
