Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
