DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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