god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
