thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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