so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
