At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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