You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
