Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
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It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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